BE who you BE

Today while working on a paper, I’ve spent some time reflecting upon past years. There are parts of me that feel remorse that I wasn’t enough – I didn’t do enough good, I didn’t stand up for what was right enough, etc…I could go on forever. Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that in order to BE a “good person”, you must DO what a “good person” does. Obviously, I never did enough “good person” stuff because I was frequently beating myself up and expecting more from myself.

About three years ago, a close friend and mentor told me something that changed my life. She said, “Brittni, it’s not about DOING all these “good person” things, it’s about BEING the good person that you already are.” Her words sunk deep in my heart, but it’s taken me a while to truly understand and embody them.

When you are surrounded by incredible people who are doing incredible things, it’s really easy to judge yourself and feel inadequate. It’s also really easy to want to create a check-list that basically says, I need to become this, this, and this before I am good enough. I’ve come to find that this pattern actually leads to a vicious, never-ending cycle. It is all very sub-conscious of course, because in my conscious mind I recognize that I am imperfect. However, I often still slip into a pattern that expects perfection from myself – without even realizing it. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I think that a lot of people have a tendency to slip into this pattern without even realizing it as well. It’s great to want to become better, but to what end?

Praise the Lord! There is hope – not only because we can call upon His grace to make up the difference where we fall short, but He is also there to walk us along an individualized journey to embody the innately good person we already are. What a beautiful gift!

Over the past few years, it’s been really difficult for me to shift my focus from DOING to BEING. It requires honoring yourself from within. And the hardest part, for me a least, is letting go of all the external pressure to do what everyone else deems “honorable” and “good”. However, I no longer live my life to measure up to other’s expectations for me. I live my life to BE the person that only The Good Lord knows I can BE. This road is not lined with awards, credentials, or degrees – but it’s lined with inner contentment and peace. I know that a lot of people have a hard time accepting the unique way I live my life because it’s off the beaten path. But, that doesn’t seem to bug me anymore because I know that God is guiding my choices and He accepts me. His peaceful reassurance is all I need to keep BEING who I BE.

Alaska...my love

I spent the past week in Alaska for my close friends' wedding.  It was great to be home!  I totally slacked on my photography...I guess some moments are savored best in the heart.  The week just whizzed by, but it was exactly what I needed. 
I am grateful for life.  I am grateful how life stretches me to my limit and then some - but when I'm open, there is always something that keeps me going, as unexpected as it may be. 
I am grateful for my family.  We are some of the quirkiest people I know, but that's what I love about us.  We add a unique flavor to the world around us!
On to a new week...

the movie of life

Yesterday in my religion class, my professor said a profound statement. He boldly stated, “The Hell of all Hells will be the day that we stand by God’s side, watching the movie of our life, and realize that He gave us exactly everything we wanted and more.”

Today I’ve been reflecting on these words, which basically sum up the very thing I’ve been working to prevent for some time now. My life has been rich. Rich with sadness & sorrow, genuine laughs & smiles, blessings & miracles, depths of despair & hopelessness, cold wintery days, and beautiful glorious summer days. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade or change a thing. I’m not going to lie though, there have been moments when I’ve felt forsaken & abandoned by God, but in hindsight, I’ve always looked back and recognized that I needed that experience to build a specific strength that I could not gain in any other way. And I also realize that all along God was actually a lot closer than I thought. What would this world be like if everyone saw their challenges as a gift and not a curse…a compliment from God because He believes in you and honors your desire to grow and become better. What if everyone in this world recognized that everything that happens to us is for a reason…a reason that deep down somewhere in our soul we truly want. What if everyone chose to take ownership of the hard things that happen to them instead of camping out on the victim doorstep?

I believe that God is a perfect Father. He promises each one of us a way to reach our deepest desires and highest potential, but the only way for Him to fulfill that promise is a road that is not immune from sadness, pain, and despair. However, if you allow yourself to notice, that road is also lined with gifts of grace from God. If we stop running away from Him in our challenges and embrace the ups and downs of life as an opportunity to grow, that’s where life goes from a uncomfortable inconvenience to an exciting adventure. I hope that on that blessed day when I sit a watch my movie of life with God, I can genuinely smile upon all my experiences because I already recognized that God has blessed me with everything my soul desires and more.

red rock

This past weekend my sister and I took the opportunity to visit our brothers down in Southern Utah. It was a glorious retreat. We renewed our spirits in the warm desert sun and soaked in the beauty of the cleansing red rock. 

How Great Thou Art

I want to take a moment to express gratitude to a Divine Being who is ever present and aware. A few weeks ago I had an opportunity presented to me to return to Brigham Young University to study the mind, body, spirit connection. Before even thinking about the logistics of this huge decision, I was determined to do whatever it took to make it happen. There were many initial hang-ups as I pulled my plans together, but I humbled myself and pled for Divine help. My patience muscles were stretched out of their comfort zone, of course, but at the last minute I literally watched everything miraculously come together before my eyes. As I sit here reflecting in my new apartment, I feel mixed emotions. It has not been an easy move. My last day in Alaska was a very emotional one due to this intense case of separation anxiety I have in leaving that beautiful land. However, I feel honored to be here at BYU and to rub shoulders with a professor who has sacrificed immensely to push for the study of this emerging field. I feel so grateful for the many witnesses I've had, upon exercising faith, that we are truly not alone in this life. I feel that surrendering is one of the greatest challeneges. As a human race we like to feel that we are in control. Accordingly, we tend to take upon ourselves the responsibility of making everyday moves based on our limited perspective. I am prone to this weakness on a daily basis, but I've caught on to a pattern. God knows a better plan than anything I could ever construct on my own and He will never let me down. He asks me to do my best and then when I surrender to Him, He compensates the rest. I am so grateful for His gentle abiding love, especially when I fall flat on my face or when I need a kick in the pants. The God I know is great.

What the holidays are all about...

"There is a Buddhist saying that the biggest cause of suffering is the socially induced hallucination of the seperate self.  Such a self does not exist.  You are an individual only as a result of a confluence of relationships."  -- Deepak Chopra

Brit Climbs a Mountain

Hope

Have you ever felt like your throat is about to burst because you have something to say but you can't even wrap your mind around it?  Well this is how I feel in this moment.  I just finished a weekend of aromatherapy training.  It was the most life-changing learning experience I've encountered in my life thus far.  I guess I just want to take a moment to tell the world, or more realistically the 2.5 people that read this, that THERE IS HOPE.  You may have to travel around the world, and carry pains that stretch you to a breaking point, and trudge a journey with sharp winds opposing every step, and even walk through Hell itself…BUT there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am grateful for the hope that was infused into my life today.  I know it was a gift from God and an answer to countless prayers.  God never leaves us alone, even though it may feel like it when our limits are stretched.   Hope is light and light is God.     

Anger

This morning I was reading a book called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron.  Cameron honors the fact that everyone has an artist within; it’s just a matter of unlocking the creative flow.  Her profound insights are one of the many things that inspire me to keep up this blog.  Today I was re-reading a section on anger.  I thought to myself that everyone needs to hear what she has to say.  I feel that I will create a mess if I try to rephrase her words, so here it is, straight from the book:
"Anger is fuel.  We feel it and we want to do something...But we are nice people, and what we do with our anger is stuff it, deny it, bury it, block it, hide it, lie about it, medicate it, muffle it, ignore it.  We do everything but listen to it."
She then says, "Anger is meant to be acted upon.  It is not meant to be acted out.  Anger points the direction.  We are meant to use anger as fuel to take the actions we need to move where our anger points us.  With a little thought, we can usually translate the message that our anger is sending us."
Then Cameron talks about how feeling anger, usually makes us feel even more angry that we feel angry.  She says this is because anger marks the death of an old part of us.  "It tells us we are being reborn, and birthing hurts.  The hurt makes us angry.  Anger is the firestorm that signals the death of our old life.  Anger is the fuel that propels us into our new one.  Anger is a tool, not a master."
"Anger is our friend...a very, very loyal friend.  It always tells us when we have been betrayed.  It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves.  It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests.  Anger is not the action itself.  It is action's invitation.”

Please take a moment to watch this...

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

The Heart of Life Is Good - part 2

It's late and I should be in bed, but I can't sleep. This week has been a roller coaster. I keep thinking about a photo I captured several months ago while lying in the grass. In that moment, my glasses were off, so I was practically blind. I began to think about how my near-sightedness only allowed me to clearly focus on the blades of grass in my face. Everything else was a blur, yet I could still make out the beauty of the surrounding scene. It dawned on me that such is life. Life is good when we embrace and focus on the blades of grass poking in our face, yet still see beauty and hope in the scene as a whole. Yes indeed, the heart of life is good.

The Heart of Life is Good

Recently, I’ve been thinking about these words from a John Mayer song, “Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood.” Life often requires us to take a step out of our comfort zone in order to progress. I will be the first to admit that I naturally tend to put up resistance whenever I feel my comfort zone is threatened. Then I fall into denial mode. And then, eventually, I give myself a good kick in the pants. A friend once told me, “A kick in the pants is still a step forward.” However, that’s not always very comforting when you’re knocked on the ground with a sore behind. Anyways, today I was taking a stomp through the snow. Literally, stomping. Don’t get me wrong, I truly appreciated the beauty of the white winter wonderland. However, due to present circumstances in my life, I feel my comfort zone is being threatened. I’m now at the part where I give myself a kick in the pants, and stomping through the snow seemed to make it feel better. I arrived on an unplowed section of road which nobody had walked through yet. As I took a few steps into this undefined territory, I thought to myself, “Self, why do you fear certain aspects of the future so much? The future is unknown! It doesn’t even exist yet!” Then all these “yes, but…” statements surfaced. Instead of denying them, like I have before, I acknowledged each one as a real fear for me. Then as I continued to walk, I befriended each fear, by attaching it to my faith. Faith in God’s unique plan for me. I am so grateful for the gentle guidance He abundantly gives me upon my humility and willingness to listen. His ways are always more simple and more efficient than anything I could ever construct on my own. Without Him, I am just a girl…with lots of fears.

first snow!

Ancient indigenous cultures respected winter as a time for reflection and contemplation. We Alaskans must need a lot of that! In high school, I was not a fan of winter, but today as the first snowflakes of the season fell on my face, I couldn’t help but giggle like a little girl. I’ve learned to embrace the season. I love giving myself permission to slow down and cozy up in the warmth of the indoors. And my discovery of the fleece-lined “hobo mitten” has been the key to survival of the time I spend outdoors. I highly recommend investing in a pair!

for the beauty of the earth

Mother Earth never ceases to amaze me. Today at church we were singing "All Creatures of Our God and King". I couldn't stop smiling as I reflected on the glorious day I spent outside yesterday. It began in fog and ended with a perfect sunset. Blessed.

Superbugs vs. Essential Oils

I just returned from an aromatherapy training in Salt Lake. It was jam packed with so much valuable information; I don’t know where to start. I know the big issue people are concerned about during this season is the flu virus, especially the swine flu virus. In our training, we learned about the evolution of superbugs, such as the H1N1 virus that causes swine flu. I could go into a whole scientific explanation, but basically this virus is what I like to call a “smart conniving germ”. Alexandria Brighton, the presenting Master Aromatherapist at this training taught:
Penicillin was first commercially used in 1945. Only one year later, 14 percent of the staph bacteria were resistant to penicillin. By 1950, 59% were resistant and by 1995 this figure rose to 95%. By 1999, 54 years after the initial commercial production of antibiotics, the first staph strain that was resistant to ALL known antibiotics infected its first 3 people. As crazy as it may sound, germs are a lot like us. They do whatever it takes to survive. Over the years germs have developed more sophisticated responses to the defense mechanisms we put up against them like drugs, antibacterial products, etc. The more we threaten them, the more resistance they build and weave into their DNA. This vicious cycle has created a raging war that our bodies struggle to fight. However, I have good news! I have seen this good news work in my own life and the lives of my loved ones. Over the past couple weeks, several of my family members have had swine flu. We immediately responded with essential oils and their recovery time has been a maximum of two days!
Essential oils are collected from plants around the world that exhibit healing properties. The oil is basically the “life blood” of the plant. While man-made drugs have only a few active ingredients, an essential oil has over 350 identified compounds that work synergistically together to assist our body in fighting infection and dis-ease. I feel one of the most beautiful things about essential oils is that they are God-made, consisting of the same materials that our bodies are made up of. Pure essential oils communicate in the same language as our bodies and therefore offer a more effective and safer alternative to pharmaceuticals…AND there are no side affects!
You’ll want to be really careful in choosing a company to purchase essential oils from. The labeling laws in the United States require that a “pure” essential oil contains at least 50% pure plant matter, the rest can be a filler. If you are interested in learning more please email me at giliamgirl@gmail.com.
In this day and age, I personally believe that it is pertinent to look outside the box when it comes to health. Everything has its place and I respect the place of traditional and alternative practitioners alike. However, ultimately the responsibility lands on your plate. YOU are the expert of YOUR body! What works for me, doesn’t always work for everyone else, but I still feel moved to share the things that I have learned which bring a greater sense of well-being to my life. Given afterwich Give.