the circle of life

Life always comes around full circle.  Always.  Everyday on my bike ride home from work, I stop at a bird sanctuary down the street from my house.  It's a place where I unwind, reflect, and seek for peace.  Everyday is a challenge, but I've discovered that as long as I come out on top, it's "a good day".  With that in mind, I have "good days" more often than not, especially in the moment I stand in the place where I took the above picture and say to myself, "Self, well done.  You tried your best today and came out on top."  I am so grateful for a loving God who abundantly compensates the rest as we diligently try our best.  My faith in God is ultimately the only thing that brings me peace in the chaotic confusion and challenges of life.  He created the circle of life, and that circle never ends.  It's infinitely cycling through despair and hope, through faith and doubt...till we find our place, on the path unwinding...in the circle, the circle of life.  (I love The Lion King) 

Below is a shot of one of my favorite flowers and the Alaska state flower, the forget-me-not.    

the climb

I feel like the biggest dork, but I recently watched The Hannah Montana Movie and it significantly touched my life.  I wasn't expecting that AT ALL, my roommate kinda made me watch it with her.  However, the words to a song at the end of the movie penetrated a chord deep inside of me.  Needless to say, it caused the waterworks to flow.  As you've probably noticed, I've kept it pretty low key in my blog posts lately.  I don't have a good explaination, except that I'm human and I'm facing challenges.  I hope that the words of this song touch you as they have me.  And if you can, you should download the song itself.  I am grateful for the mountains of life and the mountains of Alaska.

The Climb  -  Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

this is why I live my life

my momma

I was brought into this world

by a fiercely noble soul.

She gave up her personal desires

to bring a baby into her home.

And now 22 years later –

I am out on my own.
Tears fill my eyes as I reflect

on the person I’ve become;

I know I wouldn’t be who I am today,

without the courage of my mom.

And her unconditional love

which padded my slips and falls.

And her early morning prayers which

surrounded me with the angels of God.

She will always be my hero. 

No matter what the world may think;

Its mothers like her that keep

the good ripples from going extinct. 

I love you Mom.  Thank you

for everything you’ve sacrificed;

Your love, your guidance, your prayers,

your tears, and your constant support

on my behalf.

I’ll forever praise God for sending me

into your arms.

yellow blossoms

simple gifts

The greatest gifts in life are the simple ones.  I just finished reading the most incredible, simple gift.  It's called My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD.  Dr Remen is a cancer physician who has learned through her life experiences that healing is not just about medicine and science - it's about honoring one's soul journey.  My Grandfather's Blessings is a collection of short stories through which Rachel captures the true beauty in life.  I am so grateful that this book was placed in my life during a time that I needed it the most.  I came across the book in a thrift store a couple weeks ago and I just felt it calling to me.  Every day since then I've savored every word on every page.  It's one of the greatest, simplest gifts I've ever been given.  However, the true giver of this gift is obvious.  Rachel is incredible, but ultimately the wisdom shared in her book points to the One and Only Source - a loving Heavenly Father who pours abundant blessings and wisdom upon all His children.  We just have to open our eyes and become more familiar with His fingerprints.  You never know where you will find Him - even in a thrift store.

Here are a couple photos I snapped this weekend while I was exploring in the middle of nowhere.

Many blessings to all.

An Ode to Green

Today is one of my favorite days of the year.

The day of GREEN.

Green represents life.

I love life.

And I love green.

by Brit

The Square

I took these pictures this past weekend at Temple Square in Salt Lake City - the headquarters for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

BE who you BE

Today while working on a paper, I’ve spent some time reflecting upon past years. There are parts of me that feel remorse that I wasn’t enough – I didn’t do enough good, I didn’t stand up for what was right enough, etc…I could go on forever. Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that in order to BE a “good person”, you must DO what a “good person” does. Obviously, I never did enough “good person” stuff because I was frequently beating myself up and expecting more from myself.

About three years ago, a close friend and mentor told me something that changed my life. She said, “Brittni, it’s not about DOING all these “good person” things, it’s about BEING the good person that you already are.” Her words sunk deep in my heart, but it’s taken me a while to truly understand and embody them.

When you are surrounded by incredible people who are doing incredible things, it’s really easy to judge yourself and feel inadequate. It’s also really easy to want to create a check-list that basically says, I need to become this, this, and this before I am good enough. I’ve come to find that this pattern actually leads to a vicious, never-ending cycle. It is all very sub-conscious of course, because in my conscious mind I recognize that I am imperfect. However, I often still slip into a pattern that expects perfection from myself – without even realizing it. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I think that a lot of people have a tendency to slip into this pattern without even realizing it as well. It’s great to want to become better, but to what end?

Praise the Lord! There is hope – not only because we can call upon His grace to make up the difference where we fall short, but He is also there to walk us along an individualized journey to embody the innately good person we already are. What a beautiful gift!

Over the past few years, it’s been really difficult for me to shift my focus from DOING to BEING. It requires honoring yourself from within. And the hardest part, for me a least, is letting go of all the external pressure to do what everyone else deems “honorable” and “good”. However, I no longer live my life to measure up to other’s expectations for me. I live my life to BE the person that only The Good Lord knows I can BE. This road is not lined with awards, credentials, or degrees – but it’s lined with inner contentment and peace. I know that a lot of people have a hard time accepting the unique way I live my life because it’s off the beaten path. But, that doesn’t seem to bug me anymore because I know that God is guiding my choices and He accepts me. His peaceful reassurance is all I need to keep BEING who I BE.

Alaska...my love

I spent the past week in Alaska for my close friends' wedding.  It was great to be home!  I totally slacked on my photography...I guess some moments are savored best in the heart.  The week just whizzed by, but it was exactly what I needed. 
I am grateful for life.  I am grateful how life stretches me to my limit and then some - but when I'm open, there is always something that keeps me going, as unexpected as it may be. 
I am grateful for my family.  We are some of the quirkiest people I know, but that's what I love about us.  We add a unique flavor to the world around us!
On to a new week...

the movie of life

Yesterday in my religion class, my professor said a profound statement. He boldly stated, “The Hell of all Hells will be the day that we stand by God’s side, watching the movie of our life, and realize that He gave us exactly everything we wanted and more.”

Today I’ve been reflecting on these words, which basically sum up the very thing I’ve been working to prevent for some time now. My life has been rich. Rich with sadness & sorrow, genuine laughs & smiles, blessings & miracles, depths of despair & hopelessness, cold wintery days, and beautiful glorious summer days. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade or change a thing. I’m not going to lie though, there have been moments when I’ve felt forsaken & abandoned by God, but in hindsight, I’ve always looked back and recognized that I needed that experience to build a specific strength that I could not gain in any other way. And I also realize that all along God was actually a lot closer than I thought. What would this world be like if everyone saw their challenges as a gift and not a curse…a compliment from God because He believes in you and honors your desire to grow and become better. What if everyone in this world recognized that everything that happens to us is for a reason…a reason that deep down somewhere in our soul we truly want. What if everyone chose to take ownership of the hard things that happen to them instead of camping out on the victim doorstep?

I believe that God is a perfect Father. He promises each one of us a way to reach our deepest desires and highest potential, but the only way for Him to fulfill that promise is a road that is not immune from sadness, pain, and despair. However, if you allow yourself to notice, that road is also lined with gifts of grace from God. If we stop running away from Him in our challenges and embrace the ups and downs of life as an opportunity to grow, that’s where life goes from a uncomfortable inconvenience to an exciting adventure. I hope that on that blessed day when I sit a watch my movie of life with God, I can genuinely smile upon all my experiences because I already recognized that God has blessed me with everything my soul desires and more.

red rock

This past weekend my sister and I took the opportunity to visit our brothers down in Southern Utah. It was a glorious retreat. We renewed our spirits in the warm desert sun and soaked in the beauty of the cleansing red rock. 

How Great Thou Art

I want to take a moment to express gratitude to a Divine Being who is ever present and aware. A few weeks ago I had an opportunity presented to me to return to Brigham Young University to study the mind, body, spirit connection. Before even thinking about the logistics of this huge decision, I was determined to do whatever it took to make it happen. There were many initial hang-ups as I pulled my plans together, but I humbled myself and pled for Divine help. My patience muscles were stretched out of their comfort zone, of course, but at the last minute I literally watched everything miraculously come together before my eyes. As I sit here reflecting in my new apartment, I feel mixed emotions. It has not been an easy move. My last day in Alaska was a very emotional one due to this intense case of separation anxiety I have in leaving that beautiful land. However, I feel honored to be here at BYU and to rub shoulders with a professor who has sacrificed immensely to push for the study of this emerging field. I feel so grateful for the many witnesses I've had, upon exercising faith, that we are truly not alone in this life. I feel that surrendering is one of the greatest challeneges. As a human race we like to feel that we are in control. Accordingly, we tend to take upon ourselves the responsibility of making everyday moves based on our limited perspective. I am prone to this weakness on a daily basis, but I've caught on to a pattern. God knows a better plan than anything I could ever construct on my own and He will never let me down. He asks me to do my best and then when I surrender to Him, He compensates the rest. I am so grateful for His gentle abiding love, especially when I fall flat on my face or when I need a kick in the pants. The God I know is great.